Memories

When we bought our house it was for life.  I had honestly thought that we would be there forever.  So, being in the position we are in now is frustrating.

Losing our house was devastating.  It was our home, our investment for our children.  Now its all gone.

Walking around the house the day we were repossessed was awful.  It was a shell of the house we loved, empty.  I felt completely defeated.

I relived memories.  Having flashbacks in every room as I said goodbye.  Joshua's bedroom; goodnight stories and songs to send him to sleep.  Georgia's bedroom; sitting up for hours, terrified.  The kitchen; Rob and I trying to deal with the diagnosis.  The dining room; Georgia's first smile, Joshua's first steps.  Finally the living room.  The only vision I had in that room is one I will never be able to get rid of.  Georgia lying on the floor, blue, not breathing. 

As I walked away from the house I had hoped I could leave that memory behind.  Unfortunately it is still there as if it was yesterday.

So, fast forward eight months and here we are, in a rented house.  It is freezing cold and no good for Georgia.  We cant do anything about it. 

I am now looking for somewhere else to live.  Is this how it will be now?  Constantly skipping from one house to the next?  I would say we miss the stability of having our own home, but it was just as unstable as this one.  I suppose I miss feeling stable, even though we actually were not.

I have been to see two houses so far.  They were both awful.  Both full of mould and nicotine stains on the walls.  I don't want either of my children living somewhere like that, especially Georgia.  I guess I am just going to have to let her health be affected by where we live for a while.  The council don't see us as a priority.

No mortgage for us either for 6 years.  Bloody bankruptcy.  Although, we would never be able to get a deposit anyway.

So for people like us we have no option but to live where we can and make the best of it.

We have the community nurse coming tomorrow for a cough swab to see if we have won our battle against that pesky psuedo bug. 

If not then its off to Southampton for IV's. 

They want to do her surgery to remove her tonsils and adenoids in December so perhaps they might link the two together, I hope so.

Anyway I am off to see two more rentals tomorrow, maybe I might find one that is not totally disgusting!