Midnight Adventures

Sometimes there is no warning.  Just when I get comfortable and feel secure, all of a sudden, out of the blue, a massive wake up call.  Literally.

Georgia had a bit of a cough yesterday, nothing out of the ordinary, just the normal trying to clear her chest.

At 2:10am this morning, I sat bolt upright in bed as if I had been shocked.  I have no idea why.  Maybe I heard the cough, or maybe it is just intuition.  I could hear that rattling breathing echo through the baby monitor, my stomach contracted in fear as I was catapulted back 31 months.  I had got so used to Georgia being well.  Complacent is more the word.  I had finally stopped setting up a hospital bag for her, just in case.  Well that was a mistake. 

To say I was terrified of entering her room is an understatement.  I didn't hesitate at all, but the fear was still there, just as it always has been. 

Her breathing was strained.  She was having no problem breathing out, breathing in was like she was trying to suck air through a blocked straw.  She was all blue around the mouth but with bright red cheeks.  I started mentally packing a hospital bag and mentally preparing myself for one of our midnight hospital adventures.  Firstly, I needed to decide if she might need oxygen, this would require the wonderful help of the ambulance service.  I woke Rob up to ask his opinion.  We decided that I should take her.  So, I called the children's ward as I packed up her bag.  Desperately trying to wake up so I could think straight.  I know now that I was still not fully awake, I left the house without shoes on!  Don't worry I am not totally crazy I did go back in to get some!

I am just so out of practice that I forgot my little hospital routine.  Whilst driving there in the dead of night, all I could think about is the amount of times I had done this trip.  Just Georgia and I.

The doctor decided that she did have a chest infection and that she should be fine with calpol.  Which then sent me into the ravings of a sleep deprived worried mother.  So we came home.  Georgia is still not well.  It sounds like little fireworks are going off inside her chest every time she takes a breath.

Every time I leave St Marys at night I get this weird feeling.  Its so quiet and spooky walking across the car park.  To me it feels like I am being followed.  It doesn't help that they have a freaky looking clown statue outside! 

It feels more like someone wants her.  Like they are waiting for her.  I hate it.  I get this feeling a lot.  Like she has an invisible stalker.  I mostly get it at the hospital.  Well, bugger off, you cant have her.

Our midnight hospital adventures are something that will be with us for life.  Last night has taught me a huge lesson.  We are not normal.  We will never be normal.  No one knows about our adventures, or how it feels. 

I wish we could be normal, to have a simple life, no complications.  It is just never going to happen.  For now, it is something we do, together.