Rehab

Georgia was on the ventilator for 7 days.  When they took her off the second time, they decided to give her something called CPAP.  Basically, it is just another form of ventilation, it's just less invasive. 

This seemed to do the trick.  As it was pushing air into her lungs, it strengthened the bronchial tubes that were the problem before. 

Finally 3 days later, she came off CPAP and was breathing on her own.  She was still being given a small amount of oxygen through her nose, and she was still on morphine for the pain.  They wanted to send her back up to the Ocean Ward so the nurses there could try and ween her off both.  If it was stopped straight away then she would crash.

The day she was being sent back to the Ward was the day Rob came to visit her, after not seeing her for a week.  I had spent every moment with her, trying to make her smile or at least acknowledge I was there, I got no reaction.  She was still in her world of pain.

The moment she saw Rob, a small shadow of a smile passed her face.  I have never been so happy in my life.  She smiled, a small smile, but a smile!   Of course I was a bit miffed that after all my hard work it was Rob that caused it.

She went from strength to strength after that day.  I thought that finally we were on the road to recovery and could go home!  I was so pleased to be back on the Ocean Ward, with a smiling Georgia!

Then they started to reduce her morphine.  She had been on it so long, she had started to depend on it.  It was like my baby was in rehab.  The day they reduced it, it was only by a tiny amount.  She screamed for hours on end.  They finally sedated her in the evening, partly for me to have a break, mainly for her to get some sleep.

When she finally drifted off in my arms, I slowly lowered her into the cot and gingerly stepped away.  I know she was sedated but I was so scared she would wake up and scream again!  It was only as I got a few meters away that I exhaled.  I hadn't even realised I was holding my breath.

My whole body hurt.  Probably nothing compared to the withdrawal pain she had.  I was so mentally and physically exhausted at this point.  I had hit a wall.  There is always a moment when it all catches up, this was it.  I went back to the house and fell asleep instantly.

I hope it doesn't sound too heartless but, the next day, I didn't want to go back.  Not if it was going to be another day like the day before.  My feet felt like lead as I dragged myself back to the ward with a heavy heart.

I could hear her screaming before I even entered the ward.  On the plus side, all this screaming would strengthen her lungs! 

The only nurse she would be content with on the Ward was Mike.  She is a big softy when it comes to men!  So for most of the day, Mike carried her around with him, or pushed her in a pram while he was working. 

As soon as he went home the screaming started again.  Sedation for sleep was used again.  I went back to the house and felt the same way as the day before.

This became my groundhog day for 3 weeks.  I went, she screamed, I comforted, they sedated.  In between this, every now and then, a little shadow of Georgia's former self peeped through.  She would smile when I sang to her.  She still does that.