Thursday, 30 June 2011

Angel Kisses

I have been thinking about my previous post all day.

The way it felt is so hard to describe.  I thought I had done it justice, but reading it back I realise there is so much I have left out.

It was so difficult when Georgia was at home and she kept having respiratory arrests, once she was in Southampton Hospital I felt relieved she was there. 

Again I was so naive. 

We just expect these people to be able to save our children.  It's like, if they are in hospital no harm can come to them.  That is so not true.  There is only so much they can do.

There were a couple of parents we became friendly with that this happened to.  It is so destroying to be faced with the fact that your child can not be saved.  How do you deal with that?  Even worse, how do you tell parents that you can't help?

This was one of the hardest days for us, mainly because we realised that the people we thought were super hero's actually were as baffled by Georgia as we were.

It is so scary to think that you could just lose them.  Just like that. I think, if I had realised this before I would have been even more terrified.

Her next surgery is going to be worse.  She will be aware this time.  Maybe it will make it easier if she is able to tell us how she feels.  Maybe it will make it worse if she can tell us how she feels.  Who knows?

All I know is, without the constant attention to detail and the hard work of the consultants and nurses, Georgia would not be with us today. 

Before Georgia was born I was a wimp.  I hated the sight of blood.  I was terrified when people were sick.  I can't even remember when I got over that.  So much has happened that I just dealt with it. 

We were not allowed to properly bath Georgia due to all the wires but we could bed bath her.  I would sit for hours with a a few little bits of cotton wool and warm water trying to get the dried blood off her puncture wounds.  She had so many, she looked like a little pin cushion. 

You know when you take off a plaster and you get left with that really irritating sticky stuff that just won't come off?  She was covered in that from head to toe.  Mainly around her mouth and nose where the ventilator had been kept in place.  I spent so long trying to get that off before one of the nurses gave me this wonderful remover that did it in seconds.  I didn't really use it much though.  Cleaning Georgia was about all I had to do.

Georgia's scars had begun to heal though.  She had (and still has) perfect little X's just below her chest where the drains were.  Josh says they look like someone has drawn kisses on her tummy.  I told him that's where the angels kissed her to keep her safe. 

There were so many little insignificant things that happened throughout our stay.  Each one of these things makes up the whole story. 

Thinking back to when Georgia was diagnosed, I was devastated.  I never realised it would be this hard, or that she would be this strong.  I don't think I thought for a second she would survive.  It's those angel kisses that did it!

I do hope her next surgery goes a bit better than the last.  Hopefully, one day, she might be able to go a full day without medication, or a full month without a chest infection! 

For now, we are just happy she is here.

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