Surgery. Heart stopping.

We bathed Georgia in her MSRA Gel on the morning of 25th June 2010.  I was still quite sceptical about her actually going down for surgery.

Rob and I played with her for a while. She had been nil-by-mouth for a few hours, so we were trying to keep her entertained so she wouldn't notice.  She didn't really care, I suppose she had been fed every 3 hours for 6 months so it was nice for her tummy to have a rest!

At 8.30 she fell asleep draped over my shoulder. 

The hospital porters turned up with another gurney!  I realised then that this was very real.  I looked at Rob and saw my terror reflected in his eyes.  This was it, our smiley little baby girl was going to have someone stop her heart.  Still when I say it I can feel my breath catch. 

Because she was sleeping I was able to carry her down to the theatre waiting room.  A lovely nurse called Sarah came with us from the ward.  Apparently, even if you are not using the gurney it has to come with you, I felt like a bit of a prat following 2 hospital porters wheeling it down the corridors! 

Georgia had to be dressed in a surgical gown.  We managed to get it on her without waking her.  Who would have thought they make gowns that small.

Rob, Georgia and I sat down to wait for Sarah to sign us in with reception.  The head of Surgery, Dr Khan came out to say that they were just prepping the room and then they would take her down.  He asked which of us would be taking her.  I said it would be me as I was holding her asleep.
As soon as he walked away my nerves kicked in.  The thoughts I had were terrifying.  They were about to open her chest, stop her heart and put her on a bypass machine.  They would then try their hardest to fix her as quickly as possible.  But she is so tiny, how can they possibly do that?????
I started to feel dizzy then, I had to hand her over to Rob so I could stand up.  I couldn't sit still.  As I was standing there hopping from foot to foot like an absolute idiot, they came for her.  What a terrible thing to admit, I panicked and couldn't take her.  Rob took her for me. 
She was still fast asleep on Rob's shoulder, dressed in her little gown.
I stood at the end of the corridor and watched her little head on Rob's shoulder until they disappeared into the room. 
My heart was breaking.  I couldn't cry, I knew that what Rob was doing was going to be so hard for him, the last thing he needed was to have to comfort me too.  I stood at the end of that corridor watching that door with Sarah holding my hand until Rob reappeared.  He was fine until he looked me in the eye, then he fell apart.